I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
