i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
