We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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