That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
