When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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