There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
