i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
