so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So here I am, sexting at work.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
