You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
