i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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