Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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