Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
