What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
