There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
