maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
