Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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