I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
