that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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