Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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