Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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