I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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