That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
