take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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