There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
