She said her name was "party"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Randomize
