i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
