she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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