allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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