if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
