even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
