so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
