hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
