I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
