i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
