I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
