i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
