Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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