Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
