Umm I'm too high to move.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
