And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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