Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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