We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
