She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
