Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
