Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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