do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
