no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
