I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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