Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
