Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
