I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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