genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
