Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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