it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
