I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
