We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
